Can Fund

There are 86,400 seconds in a day.
Sponsor 1 second of my training.

Support Aaron Robson’s Olympic skimo journey by donating to his CAN Fund Fundraiser. As a thank you, your will receive a completely unnecessary—but deeply heartfelt—custom poem.

What do ski poles, terrible poetry, and dolphins have in common?

Absolutely nothing—until now.

Introducing Vogon Verse for Vert: a chaotic collision of skimo and absurd poetry, all in support of CAN Fund, a non-profit helping Canadian athletes reach their Olympic dreams.

For just $10, you give me one word… and I’ll give you poetry. Vogon-level, Hitchhiker-style, brain-melting poetry.

Launching mid-July. 4 weeks only.

You laugh. You suffer. You support a great cause.

🎿 VOGAN VERSE FOR VERTICAL GAINS

Support Aaron Robson's Olympic ski mountaineering dream with a $10 donation — and get a completely unnecessary custom poem in return.

Your prompt. My poetic mistake. Everyone wins (except literary integrity).

How it works

  • Step 1 : Sponsor a poem for $10

  • Step 2: Submit one (1) word - the weirder the better

  • Step 3: I send you a completely unique skimo-themed poem

Your privacy is important to me. I will keep your personal data secure and I will not use it for marketing communications which you have not agreed to receive.

Choose your Poem Package

3% Cover the Fee

Share this page with a friend, a ski buddy, or anyone who owns a towel.

Mostly harmless. Highly poetic.

Pease contact me directly for larger donation amounts

Track my progress:

Vogon Poem Fundraiser

Help us reach 50 gloriously awful poems!

3 / 50 Poems

Poem of the Week

Poem of the Week: Double Trouble from Liz 🌨️🥔

This week’s featured verse comes courtesy of my dear friend Liz — a woman who despises winter with the burning intensity of a thousand suns, yet still manages to support all my skimo-fueled life choices (questionable as they are).

Not only did Liz donate twice (because one act of generosity clearly wasn’t enough), she also submitted two truly terrifying words to inspire this week's poetic descent into madness.

Brace yourselves.

Excerpt from Sample Poem:

Ballad of the Avalanche Muffin

O muffin, dense doom-nugget of trail-born deceit,
You cratered my pocket with caloric conceit.
I chomped. You crumbled. My crampons revolted—
Then gravity laughed and my dignity jolted.

Now frosted with shame and icing of pain,
I ski, betrayed, by your glutenous reign.

Real review from a fake customer:

“After receiving my poem about ‘blisters,’ I immediately sold all my earthly possessions, joined a herd of alpine goats, and achieved emotional closure. 11/10. Would donate again.”
— Trevor N., Former Accountant, Current Glacier Whisperer

WHY IT MATTERS

Your donation helps fund gear, race travel, and high-performance training as I represent Canada in the lead-up to the 2026 Winter Olympics — where skimo will make its debut.

 FAQs

  • A: 2-4 days. I must channel the weirdness carefully.

  • A: Yes! Just add a note in the form.

  • A: They are human-wrangled, machine-distilled chaos (mostly harmless). Yes, they are a mix of human power and AI word searching.

  • All funds generated through this campaign will go directly to CAN Fund.

  • If you don’t know what a Vogon is, stop reading this website.
    No really—put down your phone, cancel your meetings, and immediately acquire a copy of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.
    This is for your own good.

    Still here? Fine. Here’s the short version:

    Vogons are an unpleasant alien species best known for:

    • Bureaucratic tyranny

    • Remarkably square heads

    • And writing the third worst poetry in the universe, just behind “Ode to a Broken Stapler” by Griznark the Moist and anything printed on the inside of energy bar wrappers.

    Vogon poetry is not so much read as survived. It’s a blunt-force combination of clumsy metaphors, misplaced rage, and emotional confusion, often accompanied by facial twitching and light nausea.

    So naturally, I chose this poetic tradition to fund my Olympic dreams. Because nothing says support high-performance ski mountaineering like a deeply alarming poem about fondue, velocity, or a cursed banana.

Can FUND

“There are 86,400 seconds in a day, and every single one matters. For our athletes who wear the maple leaf, each moment is spent training to gain that crucial hundredth of a second over their competitors. On the world stage, the margin for error is razor-thin, where split-second decisions and the ability to perform with unwavering precision make all the difference. At the highest level, a blink of an eye can determine the outcome.

Achieving the podium, setting a personal best, advancing to the finals, qualifying for the Games, or making history—it’s all about time. When you donate to CAN Fund, you empower our athletes with the resources they need to make Every. Second. Count.”